Pokeweird Collections

I’ve been surfing an archive and I kept seeing all of these weird, “scary” pokemon facts, myths, and fanfics, drifting through the crap and catching gems. So I decided that you readers shouldn’t have to wade through so much shit too and am putting what I think are the best texts on here.

Golbat. From the Pokedex, we learn the delightful fact that Golbat feasts upon the blood of both people and Pokemon and does not stop until it is full. Golbat is 1.6m tall and weighs 55 kilograms (That’s 5 feet, 3 inches tall and 121 pounds for us Americans). Think about it for a moment and try not to at least wince. Takes Golbat out of the realm of goddamn bat and straight into pure, unadulterated horror.

1. Professor oak knows what you are doing at all times and will call you to tell you not to fish in a pokemart, for example.
2. If you leave two pokemon of opposite sex and same type together at a daycare, they will make an egg. WTF is THAT doing in a children’s game?
3. You can force your pokemon to forget moves, except for certain ones, cut, fly for example. You can, however, find that guy who has a special machine to make pokemon forget.

Your character faints when all of your pokemon are beaten. Theoretically, what do you think would happen to you if all pokemon in your party were to die, say you accidentally drop all your pokeballs in the sea during a cruise (barring the possibility that you had a water pokemon in your party)?

(In some mansion from platinum, I’ve never played it so I don’t know about this but it was still weird since the ghosts involved are humans)

– Random ghosts appear in the mansion. First one I saw was when I went into one of the upstairs room and there was a little girl in the next room. She looked around and walked out. I followed, there was noone there. Shat bricks.

– In the kitchen there’s an antidote in the bin. Have a think about why that might be.

– The purple picture in the upstairs room has glowing red eyes. When you look at it, the eyes disappear. This is the only spot in the game where you can atch wild Gengar.

When Ash is heading towards Viridian City for his 8th badge, Team Rocket see Mewtwo escape from Giovanni and blow up the facility. We know from the movie that this happened after an extensive period of training. Before that, Mewtwo was still in his vat.

Misty states that it’s taken about a year to come back to Viridian City. So, nearly a year before, Ash and co visited Bill’s lighthouse outside Cerulean. On the door to the lighthouse is a picture of Mewtwo.

What the hell is Mewtwo doing on Bill’s door? At this point Mewtwo should still be growing in his vat; from Birth of Mewtwo we know he was first cloned as a child, then grew to his adult size. Mewtwo is not fully grown and is still in the laboratory. So how does Bill know about him? Has Bill been working with the Rockets all this time?

Bear in mind not only has Bill been experimenting with human teleportation, he also designed the Pokemon Storage System. All those thousand upon thousands of boxed Pokemon, lying forgotten on the PC? He has access to them. He can take them away at will.

And he has ties to an organisation that’s been working on mind controlling Pokemon and using them to take over the world.

Think about that.

pokemon never actually die.
Seriously, they can take an eternal amount of punishment, be sprayed with some perfume, take some more, be sprayed a bit again, be sprayed again, rinse, repeat ad infinitum, and once you run out of perfume, they just faint.

I think pokemons are creepy in general… Talking about controlling GODS with just orbs of technology.

Seacrest out.

Share

  • About the Author

    Juan Soto enjoys reading mangas over watching animes, listening to what pleases me, majoring in Int'l Economic Policy with concentration in german, loves soccer, and plays video games for the story and not the the challenge. Yes, he is casual.

  • Speak Your Mind

    Tell us what you're thinking...
    and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!

    You must be logged in to post a comment.