Lost Seinfeld Episode

Here is one ‘lost episode’ I found moments after the Sonic one on /x/. I am absolutely sure that this one is NOT real but I still enjoyed reading it and the feelings it evoked in me. Of course if you, the readers, do not like reading this kind of stuff or me re-posting things here, just say so and I’ll stop =D Caveats: 1)Not my idea, 2)Make what you will of it.

There’s a story about a “lost” episode of Seinfeld floating around the internet. The episode was supposed to air around season 6, but it was mysteriously cut. The “official” story about the episode was that it featured Elaine purchasing a firearm after being mugged, but many elements about this episode were never revealed until recently. NBC Executives refused to officially report on the episode until the Seinfeld season 6 DVD commentary. I have the tape but as someone who works within NBC, unfortunately I can’t reveal my sources. I work at the GE building in Rockefeller plaza, and I have access to their digital archives, that’s as much as I can divulge. We also have the entire original Seinfeld series in multiple formats, including original reels and VHS tapes. I noticed an episode with the production code “607” was missing from the tape set, and it was relocated in a set of old news reels. The replacement episode “The Mom and Pop Store” was filmed a season later to replace the missing episode. It is oddly titled “The Mason”

The episode starts out as normal, with Jerry’s apartment, but the camera is much more steady. Jerry walks out as though he’s been drugged and remarks that all of his family and friends have been dying lately. His buzzer rings and it’s George. George runs up, half crying and tells Jerry he’s seen something terrible. He’s mumbling and stuttering for about five minutes until he can form a sentence. There are still pauses for humor, but there is no audience or laugh track. George informs jerry that planes have crashed into the twin towers due to a terrorist attack on new york.

Jerry turns on the news and you can see modern footage of the 9/11 attacks, all prefilmed several years beforehand. George says that isn’t the worst part: Elaine and Kramer were in the towers at the time of the bombing. What proceeds is a graphic and explicit phone call of screaming and crying and Kramer saying that something terrible has happened, and elaine is dead. Kramer screams there’s no air in the building, and he’s burning to death, and that he’s going to jump. The camera cuts to live footage of a man falling from the twin towers. George genuinely looks upset and says “I’m sorry Larry I can’t go through with this” and he tries to walk off the set but people stop him and push him towards the stage. He walks out jerry’s prop window and you can hear him calling his agent. There’s a lot of mumbling and you can see candles being lit behind the stage.

Jerry goes over to the bookcase and pulls it aside, revealing a ceremonial black table with candles, a dinner plate and a strange box. There is a Masonic symbol against black cloth just outside where the fake stage window would be. Jerry says some weird things in a foreign dialect, and one cut of the camera shows a poster of Barack Obama (This episode originally aired in 1995). The scene ends with jerry waking up in bed, as though it’s all a nightmare. Kramer comes in and asks if jerry has seen a lizard. Jerry laughs and says “we are the lizards” and the camera zooms slightly. His eyes become slivered, like almonds.

The tape is only 7 minutes long and what proceeds is just 20 minutes of dead air. If you continue watching to the end, it seems there are three more news reports tacked on. The first is about an outbreak of swine flu, the second about a train bombing, the third –

I repost these things because I know I would rather read this from this clean site than traversing 10 pages of /x/ to find this and then it gets 404’d within the hour. In a way, I am collecting these ideas =D Might even make my own ‘lost episode’/overanalyzation one day. Just have to get hit by a muse.

Seacrest out.

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  • About the Author

    Juan Soto enjoys reading mangas over watching animes, listening to what pleases me, majoring in Int'l Economic Policy with concentration in german, loves soccer, and plays video games for the story and not the the challenge. Yes, he is casual.

  • Comments

    3 Responses to “Lost Seinfeld Episode”
    1. avatar Larry David says:

      here’s another one:

      Supposedly it was this episode that was supposed to air sometime in mid season two, but they pulled it from the schedule abruptly. They’ve actually been very good about keeping this a secret; it can’t seem to be found anywhere online, and there’s hardly any physical record of its existence. But I have a buddy who used to work over at NBC and was close with Larry David. He was around during the supposed filming of this episode. He recalled Larry suddenly acting strangely during this time; apparently, he was far more paranoid than usual and allowed no one in the studio other than himself, Jerry, and Jason Alexander (neither Elaine nor Kramer were even in this episode). But my friend got an early cut from one of the cameramen and was able to watch it before the tape could be destroyed. Now, he only watched it once before NBC got to it, but this is what he could tell me:

      When it starts out, there’s no opening with Jerry doing standup: it just goes right to the apartment. This may just be because my friend saw an early cut, but the picture quality is a little worse than usual, and the sound doesn’t quite sync up right. Jerry is in his kitchen making a sandwich, and while he looks normal, there’s something “off” about him. All my friend could tell me was that when you look at him (especially into his eyes) he seems human but “foreign” somehow.

      After a few minutes, George rings the doorbell. He comes in and starts complaining about something, although the audio is so low that you can hardly hear him. He’s white as a sheet and looks more distressed than usual, like something is seriously wrong. This goes on for a few minutes, and after a while he’s just babbling incoherently before the picture cuts out.

      The next act is just Jerry and George sitting on the couch, but it’s no longer in color. This time, they both look “foreign,” not just Jerry, and they’re staring off blankly into space. They start talking with the same low audio quality, but now it’s impossible to hear because the opening bass riff comes in suddenly and just starts looping, making it so you can’t hear anything else. But Jerry seems to be in pain, and George is starting to sob. Apparently, my buddy could just make out George saying something like “don’t let it through, don’t let it come in” over and over again. This just repeats until the episode ends. All the while, the bass riff is getting more and more distorted, and after a few minutes, it just abruptly cuts to some super high frequency square wave.

      I guess this made my friend nauseous, so he left the room to vomit but came back as fast as he could so he wouldn’t miss much. Since it was close to the 22 minute mark already, the episode had ended, but he caught a glimpse of the last image before the credits: just a still, black and white extreme closeup of Jerry’s face. There was some very small text superimposed, but it seemed like the end of a larger portion of text, since the words just said “THEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE.” I guess my friend tried to take the tape with him, but an NBC exec confiscated and destroyed it before he could leave the building.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5PIlcivogI

    2. avatar Juan says:

      I like that one, good find =D. So not watching that video yet though, I’ll wait until I’m home. I know it can’t be real but I don’t other people to think I’m too weird XD

    3. avatar Alapa says:

      We are the lizards. Wtf?

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