Squidward’s Suicide

So someone was kind enough to post the story along with some pictures. Apparently an actual video existed too. Whether it’s real or fan-made, I’m not sure, too much of a wuss to watch it this late. If you want to watch it, just look it up in youtube, hopefully the re-upload will not have been taken down like the original was by now. I’m still getting shivers from reading this. Sigh. Someday I’ll become immune. Some day. Enjoy.

SQUIDWARD’S SUICIDE
ONE REMINDER: None of the stuff said below is in my own words, but instead are the words of an intern at Nickelodeon.

I want to start off by saying that if you want an answer at the end, prepare to be disappointed. There isn’t one.
I was an intern at Nickelodeon Studios for a year in 2005 for my degree in animation. It wasn’t paid, of course, but most internships aren’t. It did have some perks beyond education, though. To adults, it might not seem like a big one, but most kids at the time would have shit themselves over it. Since I worked directly with the editors and animators, I got to view the new episodes days before they were aired.
I’ll get right to it without giving too many unnecessary details. They had very recently made the Spongebob movie, and the entire staff was somewhat sapped of creativity, so it took them a little longer to start up the new season, but the delay lasted longer for more upsetting reasons. There was a problem with the season four premiere that set everyone and everything back for several months.

Two other interns and I were in the editing room along with the lead animators and sound editors for the final cut. We received the copy that was supposed to be “Fear of a Krabby Patty,” and gathered around the screen to watch. Now, given that it isn’t final yet, animators often put up a mock title card as a little inside joke, with phony, often times lewd titles, such as “How Sex Doesn’t Work” instead of “Rock-a-by-Bialve”, the episode where Spongebob and Patrick adopt a baby Sea Scallop. There’s nothing particularly funny except for a few work-related chuckles. So, when we saw the title card, “Squidward’s Suicide,” we didn’t think it more than a morbid joke. One of the interns did a small throat laugh at it. The happy-go-lucky music played as normal.

The story began with Squidward practicing his clarinet, hitting a few sour notes as normal. We hear Spongebob laughing outside and Squidward stops, yelling at him to keep it down as he had a concert that night and needed to practice. Spongebob complies and goes to see Sandy with Patrick. The bubbles splash screen comes up and we see the ending of Squidward’s concert. This is where things begin to seem off. While playing, a few frames repeat themselves, but the sound doesn’t (at this point, sound is synced up with animation, so yes that’s not common), but when he stops playing the sound finishes as if the skip never happened. There is a slight murmuring in the crowd before they begin to boo him. This wasn’t the normal cartoon booing that’s common in the show. You could clearly hear malice in it. Squidward was in full frame and looked visibly afraid. The shot goes to the crowd, with Spongebob in center frame. He, too, is booing, which is very much unlike him. That isn’t the oddest thing, though. What’s odd is that everyone had hyper-realistic eyes. They were very detailed. They weren’t shots of real peoples’ eyes, but something a bit more real than CGI. The pupils were read, too. Some of us looked at each other, obviously confused, but since we weren’t the writers we didn’t question its appeal to children… yet.

The shot goes to Squidward as he sat on the edge of his bed, looking very forlorn. The view out of his porthole window was of a night sky, so it wasn’t very long after the concert. At this point, there was no sound. There was LITERALLY no sound. There wasn’t even feedback from the speakers in the room. It was as if the speakers were turned off, though their status showed them working perfectly. He simply sat there, blinking, in this silence for about thirty seconds, until he began to sob softly. He put his tentacles over his eyes and cried quietly for a full minute more, all the while a sound in the background slowly growing from nothing to barely audible. It sounded like a slight breeze through a forest.
The screen slowly began to zoom in on his face. By slowly, I mean it was only noticeable if you look at shots ten seconds apart side by side. His sobbing got louder and more full of hurt and anger. The screen twitches a bit for a split second, as if it twisted in on itself, then returned to normal. The wind-through-the-trees sound got slowly louder and more severe, as if a storm was brewing somewhere. The eerie part was that this sound and Squidward’s sobbing sounded real, as if the sound wasn’t coming from the speakers but as if the speakers were holes the sound was coming through from the other side. As good quality as the studio likes to have, they don’t purchase the equipment to be that good to produce sound of that quality.

Below the sound of the wind and sobbing – very faint – something sounded like laughing. It came at odd intervals and never lasted more than a second, so you had a hard time pinning it. After 30 seconds of this, the screen blurred and twitched violently as something flashed over the screen – as if one single frame was replaced. The lead animation editor paused and rewound frame by frame, and what we saw was horrible. It was a still photo of a dead child. He couldn’t have been more than six years old. The face was mangled and bloodied, and one eye was popped and dangling over his upturned face. He was naked, down to his underwear, and his stomach was crudely cut open with his entrails lying beside him. He was lying on some pavement that was probably a road. The most upsetting part was that there was the shadow of the photographer. There was no crime tape, no evidence bags or markers, and the angle was completely off for a shot designed to be evidence. It would seem the photographer was the person responsible for the child’s death.

We were, of course, mortified, but pressed on, hoping it was just a sick joke. The screen flipped back to Squidward, still sobbing. He was louder than before, and only half of his body was in the frame. There was now what appeared to be blood running down his face from his eyes. The blood was also done in a hyperrealistic style; looking as if you touched it you’d get blood on your fingers. The wind sounded now as if it were a gale blowing through a forest; there were even snapping sounds of branches. The laughing, a deep baritone, lasted at longer intervals and came more frequently. After about twenty seconds, the screen again twisted and showed a single frame photo. The editor was reluctant to go back, as we all were, but he knew he had to.

This time, the photo was that of what appeared to be a little girl no older than the first child. She was lying on her stomach, her barrettes in a pool of blood next to her. Her left eye was, too, popped out, and she was naked except for underpants. Her entrails were piled on top of her above a crude cut along her back. Again, the body was on the street and the photographer’s shadow was visible. It was very similar in size and shape to the first. I had to choke back vomit and one intern, the only female in the room, ran out.
The show resumed. About five seconds after this second photo played, all sound stopped, like it was when this scene started. He put his tentacles down and his eyes were done in hyperrealism like the others were in the beginning of this episode. They were bleeding, bloodshot, and pulsating. He stared at the screen, as if watching the viewer. After ten seconds, he started sobbing, though not covering his eyes. The sound was piercing and loud, and most fear inducing of all was his sobbing; it was mixed with screams. Tears and blood were dripping down his face at a heavy rate. The wind sound came back, and so did the deep-voiced laughing. The next still photo lasted for a good five frames. The animator was able to stop it on the fourth and backed up. This time, the photo was of a boy, about the same age as the other children, but the scene was different. The entrails were just being pulled out from a stomach wound by a large hand, and the right eye was popped and dangling with blood trickling down it. The animator proceeded. It was hard to believe, but the next one was different, though we couldn’t tell how. He went on to the next, and it was the same thing. Then he went back to the first and played them quicker. I lost it, vomiting on the floor.

The animating and sound editors were gasping at the screen. The five frames were not as if they were five different photos. They were played out as if they were frames from a video. We saw the hand slowly lift out the guts, we saw the kid’s eyes focus on it, and we even saw two frames of the kid beginning to blink. The lead sound editor told us to stop. He had to call in the creator to see it. Mr. Hillenburg arrived within fifteen minutes. He was confused as to why he was called down there, so the editor continued the episode.

Once the few frames were shown, all screaming, all sound again stopped. Squidward was staring at the viewer, his entire face in the frame, for about three seconds. The shot quickly panned out and that deep voice said, “DO IT.” The next thing we see is a shotgun in Squidward’s hands. He immediately puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. Realistic blood and brain matter splattered the wall and bed behind him, and he flies back from the force. The last five seconds of the episode show his body on the bed, on his side, with one eye dangling on what’s left of his head above the floor, staring blankly at it. Then the episode ends.
Mr. Hillenburg was obviously angry about it. He demanded to know what the hell was going on. Most people left the room at that point, so it was just a handful of us to watch it again. Viewing the episode twice only served to imprint the entirety of it into my mind and caused me horrible nightmares. I’m sorry I stayed.

The only theory we could think of was that someone in the chain from the drawing studio to here edited the file. The CTO was called in to analyze when it happened. The analysis of the file did show it was edited over by new material, however, the timestamp of it happening was a mere 24 seconds before we began viewing it. All equipment involved was examined for foreign software and hardware, as well as glitches – as if the time stamp may have glitched and showed the wrong time – but everything checked out fine. We don’t know what happened, and to this day, nobody does. There was an investigation due to the nature of the photos, but nothing came of it. No child seen was identified and no clues were gathered from the data involved or physical clues in the photos. I never believed in unexplainable phenomena before, but now that I have… If something happens and I can’t prove anything about it beyond anecdotal evidence, I think twice about things.

THEN LIEK 23 SKELETONS POPPED OUT.

FIN

Seacrest out.

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  • About the Author

    Juan Soto enjoys reading mangas over watching animes, listening to what pleases me, majoring in Int'l Economic Policy with concentration in german, loves soccer, and plays video games for the story and not the the challenge. Yes, he is casual.

  • Comments

    117 Responses to “Squidward’s Suicide”
    1. avatar Minecraft girl says:

      THAT PICTURE MADE ME SHIT ROCKS IM GLAD THERE WASN’T THE FULL PICTURE

    2. avatar awsom666 says:

      this makes me wanna watch this episode

    3. avatar Tristan says:

      Please excuse me while I go s**t myself

    4. avatar Paul says:

      Man, thats creepy.
      I started yesterday night, and didn’t have the guts to read the rest.
      And the picture… Just don’t look.

    5. Omg! I saw dis shiz on ifunny this morning, and was all DAYUM that’s some freaky shiz right der. So of course me myself and I HAD to search flupping mars answers and my little girly self is to scared to watch the video. So yah… Y’all need to lemme know about the level of scaryness that vid is.

      BEANER BRO OUT!!

    6. avatar That_One_Awkward_Chick says:

      And bro that picture?!? I had to take a COLOSSAL dump at school today and kept thinking of that picture…. It was scary cause y’all already know how low them middle school bathrooms be and so I had to ask my friend Nasya to stand in front of the stall for me… I literally woulda shit myself over this. And the little kids? First of all, who in the haedes would murder a child and take pictures and be like, “Yo bro I just fucked up a little kid cause imma dumb ass bastard! Ima post this on Facebook! #YOLO” Second of all, WHO’S ALBERT EINSTEIN IDEA WAS IT TO EVEN CREATE THIS?!? I mean Spongebob? WTF? We have some dumb ass people in this world I’m telling y’all….

    7. avatar Courtney says:

      OMG totally ruined spongebob/my childhood forever.

    8. avatar mieya says:

      not even that scary u guys r wimps

    9. avatar mieya says:

      yeah ya mutha fuckers stupid ass fuck

      +

    10. avatar uuuuummmmm says:

      When I first saw this squidwards suicide thing I was like sounds interesting and then after reading this I’m like… HOLY CRAP and so yeah guess who’s not going to sleep tonight! i will never look at this show the same ever again

    11. avatar whadafaman says:

      WHADAFAA! this is seriouse shizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    12. avatar aki says:

      yeah. that’s creepy. whoever wrote it is a good author! they should go into writing adult fiction books. Although I hate it when they try to make it sound real when this kind of thing obviously never happens. writing was good though.

    13. avatar Austin Sheldon says:

      If I find this guy Ill kill him

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    1. [...] Doesn't click enter WHA COMES UP? D; ROFL. Squidward Suicide is pretty creepy. Just read this. <3 It's not visual… Don't worry. I'm fine and I read it yesterday [...]

    2. [...] Squidward's Suicide | Creepy | The Colligere Jul 31, 2010 … They had very recently made the Spongebob movie, … It was a still photo of a dead child. … [...]

    3. [...] cartoon conspiracies: Squidward's Suicide | Creepy | The Colligere Warning do not read that if it is late, it made my soul die reading it half way. [...]



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